TMB 2021 CARPET REVIEW
The deep cloak of night swept over SDFB on the second weekend in May, and with it brought the onset of a much anticipated double-feature deadly event aptly titled The Murder Ball; hosted by socialite quartet Alexandra, Umut, Ahnaf, and Jane. Over the course of two nail-biting evenings we were plunged into a parade of killer looks, stretching from criminals to casualties and every violation in between.
While many attendees hit the fatal theme flawlessly, others hammered the final nail in their own coffins with simply irrelevant and/or uninspired ensembles that missed the mark entirely. Alas, by the power vested in me by my avid readers, it is my duty to dissect the abundance of outfits and cut through the dead weight to draw together an elusive list denoting those who slaughtered the TMB carpet, and those who made me itch to secure a fast-track ticket to the morgue.
As ever, I hand selected by top five best looks, five worst looks, and a triple dose of honourable mentions to cast my cutthroat opinions over. The knee-jerk reactions to my review posts seem to intensify with each publication, so a stern reminder that these points-of-view are solely mine and bear as much significance as you allow - it’s all in good jest, and I welcome any challenging perspectives with an open inbox. So without further babble, it’s time to press my finger onto the trigger and open fire on some frightening fashion…
(PSA: all looks featured were designed by the person wearing them, unless stated otherwise. None of the criticism is based on the quality of the graphics, but rather the look itself.)
BEST OF THE NIGHT;
 |
MELEK |
Laced in envious lashings of emerald, Melek Darvill stuns in a spectacularly slashed Weslah dress with personalised metal motif belt and spiked Balenciaga boots, by Nihil. From feathered head to razor toe, this look is a sharp puncture wound to the throat with valiance and vitriol alike; viper skinned knife point boots adorned with a strip of sharp studs conjure a poisonous platform for a contoured suit of lacerated pleats and loose threads which hang like vines from sculptured shoulders. A jewel encrusted belt reading “MELEK” acts as the centrepiece to this fashion frenzy, cinching each segment together in a display of relentless vanity that is undoubtedly well earned and tips an already salient ensemble right over the edge. Melek is quintessentially both the superior serpent and the murky depths of the jungle it hides in, looming menacingly, anticipating the perfect moment to strike.
 |
BERKE |
Putting the stiletto to the metal was speed fiend Berke Can in a dazzling Thierry Mugler motorcycle corset dress and flame licked cowboy boots, by Umut. An out-of-the-box approach to ones demise, Berke hit the gas hard and floored it into the cavernous depths of their archival fashion expertise, cruising out onto the carpet in a top gear outfit which proves once again they know how to strike when the iron is white hot. The entirety of the look gives excellent mileage and takes you for a thrill ride throughout; bust clad with a sparkling motorcycle bumper, the show-stopping bustier is absolutely the pièce de résistance, yet is supported so spectacularly by such slick accessories as fingerless leather motorcycle gloves, thigh-high beverage can holster, and chunky crucifix choker. Berke claims their place firmly in the drivers seat and continues a style savvy joyride, racing laps around everyone else in sight.
 |
NIHIL |
Landing once again in their always undisputed spot on my best dressed list is risqué ringleader Nihil in a thrillingly theatric Dior look by themselves. The billowing lilac silk skirt loans itself as an arresting canvas to the delightfully detailed elements of this cataclysmic costume; a slither of lime green tights jolt into raspberry patent leather laced up boots and darts your attention back up to the furry feature wrapped around Nihils neck, peering over a disrobed décolletage braced in plexiglass and metal fastenings - it’s a love letter to fashion chaos, written in wrist aching calligraphy. Bound and gagged with studded leather straps, Nihil may be attired submissively, but once again dominates their own style narrative and delivers a fatal blow of fashion fuckery with pinpoint accuracy, leaving a deadly trail of authority in their wake.
 |
LAURYN |
Crash landing onto the TMB carpet as a statuesque extraterrestrial supermodel, Lauryn Lahavas astonishes in a Hajime Sorayama look by Nick, with choice accessories by Susie. Aqua-skinned and tightly wrapped in a translucent lavender minidress, alien assassin Lauryn loops into their own orbit and takes murder to a multi-planetary level in an outfit that is, quite simply put; out of this world. Notes of retro-futurism dance throughout this glam get-up, leaning away from the obvious macabre route so many others divulged in, and instead delivering a sucker punch of seductive scandal in dizzying hues and candy-sweet displays of divulgence. With irrepressible nods to camp, it’s just kismet that Lauryn’s weapon of choice is a fuchsia firearm accesorised with a lone fluffy pink pom pom, finalising this look as one that is just as much playful as it is deadly.
 |
ANA |
Bathed in blood and barbed wire, Ana Blum lurches back onto my best dressed list in an archival Alexander McQueen look by themselves. A perversely tailored blazer with dusty lace trim sprawls over infamous crimson patent leather bumster pants and into lacquered lacy boots - hair braided at the crown and fingers finely decorated with dangerous jewels, not one inch of this ensemble was left unattended to. Pulling straight from the runway show donned “Jack the Ripper Stalks His Victims” by McQueen himself, Ana references from a plain that so few dare to traverse, and those who do we see swallowed by the overt scandalous nature of - yet she infuses a trademark sultry nature of her own into the badlands of McQueens archive and brings with it an exhibition of power entangled in the somber shadows.
WORST OF THE NIGHT;
 |
SELMA |
Every rose has it’s thorn, yet Selma manages to personify a blunted stem in this lacklustre Richard Quinn look by Kiki Wells. Drowning in florals, Selma is submerged in a sea of dreary red petals, fitted over a black turtleneck and finished off with a head of matted, side-swept hair. Failing to realise that this particular runway reference died out many moons ago, it feels nothing short of careless to still show up in what is assuredly an outdated and tired outfit that also deviates entirely from the theme, and leaves such a remarkably drab impression on all those who are forced to be reminded of it’s existence. Not only does the look not pack a punch in the slightest, it swings and misses entirely planting it’s balled up fist into a abundance of thin air, uncurling to reveal a sweaty palm so anxious to be included it gestured towards… this as it’s finite option.
 |
SOLTUN |
Rifle through the pages of your favourite dictionary and under the definition of “uninspired” I guarantee you will find this image glaring right back at you. Soltun proved to us all at the ESA’s that they rely so heavily on beaten-to-death trends that it was hardly a surprise to see them traipse onto the TMB carpet in this painfully overhyped Mugler jizz-soaked asshole dress, infamously worn by every Fashion Nova shoppers fave: Kim Kardashian West. It’s almost as though an apology is in order from yours truly for bringing this look back into the limelight, however it feels like a disservice to not call attention to how much of an infuriatingly oblivious and borderline satirical choice this is to make - it’s a slap in the face to anyone who puts even an ounce of effort into their looks, a mockery of the event, and an embarrassment to Soltun themselves for yet again being so blissfully unaware of how far off the mark this is. The only thing that screams “murder” about this outfit is how much it makes me want to abandon my comfortable life in favour of a rage fuelled homicidal rampage without any fear of the consequences.
 |
KEKE |
Deep within the desolate corners of our community lie a subsection of fashion ignorant opportunists who see any event, regardless of the specific theme, as an elaborate costume party in which they can attend dressed as some forgotten, burned out pop culture character - representing them this time was Keke in their most abysmal portrayal of Jessica Rabbit. There are many roads that can be travelled in the journey to creating an interesting and captivating look for an event, and yet Keke took none of them and happily remained on Hollywood Boulevard blowing kisses for change from unsuspecting tourists. We may ask ourselves why, yet that renders useless, as the only one who needed to ask such a question was Keke before even contemplating ordering such a look from talented graphic designer Ihsanne (I’m so sorry, sweetie.) It’s a dead end cop out, which brings nothing of excitement or relevancy to the event, and only digs a grave for our faith in Keke’s fashions.
 |
ANS |
What says “murder ball” more than rocking up as pint-sized popstar Arian Grande? The answer you’re looking for is quite literally fucking anything. Again we find ourselves gazing upon the result of overt narcissism and a plain disregard for the integrity of the event, an outlandish yet underwhelming example of why-even-bother? The beauty of SDFB events is their invitation to intoxicate yourself within the process of developing a look by scouring the depths of your own sense of style, and delivering something that is yours to own and yours to unleash to an audience of hundreds - attempts like this are an agonising waste of that opportunity and a slap in the face to practically everyone involved. It’s look such as this that render the very list it finds itself on necessary, a triumph in that regard and that one only.
 |
CHRIS |
HONOURABLE MENTIONS;
 |
ANASTASIA |
 |
DORIAN |
Emblazoned in decaying floral prints and aged portraiture, Dorian is ridiculously decadent in this Dior and Balenciaga inspired look by Nihil. An amalgamation of fashions past and present, this ferociously romantic fit is uniform for the ever stylish rebel child we’ve all grown to love.
 |
AYLLA |
Lighting up the night in bright white lace is Aylla, in a Jean Paul Gaultier haute couture look by herself. Grasping bunches of poison ivy and flowers which traverse the entire scope of the outfit, Aylla is as lethal as she is ethereal and not afraid to let you know.
**
Having my finger on the pulse of this event was certainly a turbulent experience, and one I am thankful that you all joined me for. The Murder Ball was an exhaustive yet enjoyable weekend of fashion, fatalities, and frantic excitement throughout the community, which kickstarted a jam-packed series of events in the pipeline - continuing next month on June 26th with my very own event; MODÉ co-hosted with Dorian.
Until then, keep your wits about you, and remember; what doesn’t kill you didn’t try hard enough.
Comments
Post a Comment